Story Time: Benson Diaries Episodes 1-5

Benson is my technical theatre professor. He's a very smart man and VERY good at what he does, but more than that, he's an EXTREMELY funny man. I've taken the liberty of making a few notes, and I've compiled some stories that are too short to be individual blog posts themselves. But with their magics combined, they make for such delightful vignettes. Without further ado, I present, The Benson Diaries, Episodes 1 through 5.

1.

Today, Benson did the “as;lksdnf;jdn;fjA;SFJB;dogub;dojgb;sdjbg;ajfbg;a” to my keyboard. Then walked away laughing maniacally. He says “I grew up once, but I didn’t like it. So I went back.” He’ll be doing this sort of thing well into his 70’s. His wife must be so patient. 

2. 

Benson’s wife gave him a cane-sword; you know, where the cane is the sheath, hiding a slim blade? Kind of like Watson’s in the RDJ Sherlock Holmes. Well, he chased Chloe Myers up the stairs in the Snow building, brandishing his cane, yelling “GET BACK HERE.” All for a mother duck and her ducklings. In his defense, they were very fluffy. 

3. 

Benson’s a “bad man.” He has a skull ring. To demonstrate his level of hardcore-cery, he burst through the Black Box theatre doors, sunglasses, purple shirt and a tie rather reminiscent of Van Gogh’s “Starry Night.” He sauntered towards me and Chloe Myers, then threw-tipped over a chair. He looked at our mirthfully twitching bodies, then proceeded to kick over some safety cones a la Jackie Chan style. A flurry of karate kicks and the caution tape was wasted. 

“I’m a bad man.” he said. 

4. 

In New York, Mormons have the occupational hazard of getting asked silly questions. Benson’s aware of this. His favorite thing to do is make the people that ask him foolish questions feel silly. When they ask him “how many wives do YOU have?” Benson would reply “One...” then look at the questioner’s wife or daughter and say “But I’m always looking for more!!” Lesson learned: don’t gaud Benson into these kinds of tussles and fights. 

“Because... I will always win.” said he, as he threw a pencil at the ceiling. 

It stuck. 

5. 

“Sleep deprivation is for everybody.” says Benson after a long night of programing light cues. 

Story Time: I Almost Died Today; Again

I fell off a tall stage platform today. 

Short Story Longer: For the curtain call on my show, the actors come from backstage out the the front three platforms (we're in a black box theatre). From where I finished the show (because I do finish the show) I'm on the top platform on one end of the stage. (this would be so much easier if I had a picture to show you). There are about 4 steps down to the next platform. Getting down isn't so much the problem, but I have to get back up the stairs after I bow in pitch darkness. 

Now. The way the platform/stairs were built, there's about a square 1/2 foot to the side of just nothing. If you can't see the stairs and follow them, you can easily fall off as there are no guard rails/ 

DO you see where I'm going with this? 

So, I miss the step. My toes had found the platform but my heels hadn't. When I put my weight on my foot, I fell through the nothingness. Somehow, I managed to catch myself on the ledge as I was falling. Didn't break anything, but when I hit the floor, my knees gave out from adrenaline so I really was clinging to the edge of the stage by my fingertips. 

I fell during the blackout, so all people heard was a thud and my two co-actors yelling my name. The lights come back up and I'm hanging onto the ledge, practically swinging, yelling "I'M ALIVE! I'M ALIVE!" 

The director and stage manager ran over to me and were like "youokayyouokayyouokay" and I was like "yeah dudes, I'm fine. Fallen from a lot worse, you know? I'm good." And I felt really cool cuz I thought people cared about me. 

Turns out that they were just really freaking out about the potential accident form that they would have to fill out if I had twisted something. Thanks, guys. I feel cared for. 

The best part is... I barely remember it. Because I fell during a pitch blackout, I can't remember anything but the feeling of falling and even that is fading away by the minute. The worst part of it was that I have no scars or anything. Just some bruises, a scrape here and there, and some soreness in my legs. 

I DIDN'T EVEN RIP MY NYLONS.