Tuesday, June 7, 2011

50 Adult Questions

I graduated high school last week. June 2nd, 2011. For some reason, I thought that when you graduate high school, you know everything about life. With this rite of passage, I assumed I entred into adulthood and was ready for the world. In four years, you can learn a lot! Just... not everything. As was my misfortune to discover June 2nd, 2011.

Few things have I reason to question. I accept things as they are given to me and that makes my life simple. But because I have not yet received answers to these questions, I must ask the masses in the hopes that they  have the answers I couldn't find at Dos Pueblos High School.

1. In Disney's "The Little Mermaid," Ariel attempts to use sign language to explain her situation to Eric. Assuming Ariel was a well-educated princess (considering she explored the vast ocean that was her kingdom, displayed tactical knowledge in the destroying of Ursula and the saving Eric from drowning AND was able to keep her cave of human memorabilia secret from her father-- who ruled the ocean.) why didn't she have the simple MOTOR SKILLS to write in the sand her story? Eric was looking for the woman who saved him and then sang to him... If you're basing your love on that? Why not, am I right?

2. Why do hot dogs come in packages of 10, but hot dog buns come in packages of 8? It's like they're counting on us to be gluttons.

3. Why do your parents say nothing when they're disappointed in you? And why is that scarier than when they yell??

4. Why does my toner/conditioner run out faster than my face wash/shampoo? Equal amounts, and yet?...

5. Why do people like being angry or sad? It's like they're unhappy when they're happy. One of life's biggest paradoxes.

6. How can you tell the difference between a guy showing romantic interest and friendly interest? Most of the time, I can't tell the difference.

7. On that note-- Why don't guys ever just come out and say it? It's more appreciated when you tell us and you DON'T look like an idiot.

8. Why do women say they're okay when they're not? I'm a woman and I don't even know! And then we get mad at men when they don't understand subtext!....

9. ...Why don't men understand subtext?

10. How come all the mean girls get everything? Lead roles, cheer captains, the nice guys, all the attention. Why?

11. Is personality a gene? Is everything simply made up of chemicals and science?

12. Why are people obsessed with causing themselves pain and anguish? We throw ourselves in front of cars because we're bored?

13. Why do people think high school is their life? Don't they realize they have college?

14. A lot of people expected us to have invented jet packs and be living on the moon by now. Why don't people realize we have iPhones?

15. Why don't people love more? Is it really that hard?

16. If "success" is measured in money, what's happiness measured in?

17. Who came up with the word "colonel" and decided it was pronounced "kernel?"


19. How does J.K. Rowling expect me to know Dumbledore was gay?

20. And how does being gay affect Dumbledore's character? Where's the significance? Reason behind it all?

21. Why do people play video games of sports when it's not that hard to go outside and actually play the sport? Like the game FIFA '11. You can play soccer outside. I can understand RPG's, they have stories. But.... sport video games? Really?

22. Why are there so many characters in Marvel? Do you NEED that many heroes/villians?

23. They're never going to stop making Marvel movies, huh?

24. Can someone explain wine to me? It needs to... breathe? Is it alive?

25. Who listens to Kidz Bop? Somebody, 'cuz they keep making them...

26. Why do filmmakers think that the best way to keep making money is with lesser-sequels and gritty reboots? You just disappoint people, you'd think they'd learn!

27. Why does food NEVER look like it's depicted on the menu? When IHOP bring me my happy face waffles, there's something slightly off about it... and it's generally the strawberries.

28. Why can you get pizza faster than you can an ambulance?

29. Fan girls are always obsessing about how cute L or Snape is. They always like the really nerdy, greasy sort. Why don't they realize that if they existed, they would be repulsed by their state of hygiene/ sleep deprivation?

30. Why do telepaths put their fingers to their temples to communicate better? Is that like cupping your hand to your ear?

31. And by the way, does that even work anymore?

32. Was Russia ever happy? You think they should get out of the snow or something else. Perhaps some more sunlight?

33. What is love?

32. Why are cats so entertained by mice?

33. If the plural of "goose" is "geese," shouldn't the plural of "moose" be "meese?"

34. Why does i go before e, EXCEPT after c?

35. Why do dogs chase cats? Is there some war going on that we're all not aware of?

36. Why do zombies eat brains?

37. And by extension, why do vampires drink blood? Is the answer to both because they eat what they don't have? And if that's true, why can't I eat happiness?? >:(


39. Who came up with milk? That was SO a revelation from God...

40. Why does money value decrease to us as we get older? When I was your age, a dollar meant something!

41. How exactly does one walk uphill both to and from school?

42. There's a show on Nick Jr. called "Boobahs." WHO CAME UP WITH THAT?

43. Probably the same people that came up with the Teletubbies. SO WHO IS THIS TRIPPY FOOL?

44. How can Disney simultaneously create innocent movies but hide the most crude innuendos within such beautiful innocence?

45. How does "playing dead" during a bear attack make any sense?

46. Somebody explain hipsters to me. They're too obscure for my mainstream mind to figure out.

47. When will people realize that simplicity is what's really beautiful?

48. Why do you have to tell a kid to do something a million times before they actually do it?

49. Why are moms TOTALLY obsessed with making you eat?

50. How do parents still love you through your teenage years?


  1. Ah number 47.
    Also, in regards to number 1... I think Eric is the idiot there. She did try her best. She nodded her head when he said "I knew it! You're the one! The one I've been looking for!"
    BOOBAHS?!? Really?!

  2. Number 47 indeed.... Brought about by Prom, funnily enough.
    If anything, that's now a testament to male stupidity. "Though we adore men individually, we agree that, as a group, they're rather stupid."