Thursday, November 1, 2012

Story Time: Benson Diaries Episodes 1-5

Benson is my technical theatre professor. He's a very smart man and VERY good at what he does, but more than that, he's an EXTREMELY funny man. I've taken the liberty of making a few notes, and I've compiled some stories that are too short to be individual blog posts themselves. But with their magics combined, they make for such delightful vignettes. Without further ado, I present, The Benson Diaries, Episodes 1 through 5.

Today, Benson did the “as;lksdnf;jdn;fjA;SFJB;dogub;dojgb;sdjbg;ajfbg;a” to my keyboard. Then walked away laughing maniacally. He says “I grew up once, but I didn’t like it. So I went back.” He’ll be doing this sort of thing well into his 70’s. His wife must be so patient. 

Benson’s wife gave him a cane-sword; you know, where the cane is the sheath, hiding a slim blade? Kind of like Watson’s in the RDJ Sherlock Holmes. Well, he chased Chloe Myers up the stairs in the Snow building, brandishing his cane, yelling “GET BACK HERE.” All for a mother duck and her ducklings. In his defense, they were very fluffy. 

Benson’s a “bad man.” He has a skull ring. To demonstrate his level of hardcore-cery, he burst through the Black Box theatre doors, sunglasses, purple shirt and a tie rather reminiscent of Van Gogh’s “Starry Night.” He sauntered towards me and Chloe Myers, then threw-tipped over a chair. He looked at our mirthfully twitching bodies, then proceeded to kick over some safety cones a la Jackie Chan style. A flurry of karate kicks and the caution tape was wasted. 

“I’m a bad man.” he said. 

In New York, Mormons have the occupational hazard of getting asked silly questions. Benson’s aware of this. His favorite thing to do is make the people that ask him foolish questions feel silly. When they ask him “how many wives do YOU have?” Benson would reply “One...” then look at the questioner’s wife or daughter and say “But I’m always looking for more!!” Lesson learned: don’t gaud Benson into these kinds of tussles and fights. 
“Because... I will always win.” said he, as he threw a pencil at the ceiling. 

It stuck. 

“Sleep deprivation is for everybody.” says Benson after a long night of programing light cues. 

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