Tuesday, February 12, 2013

The One Thing Worse Than Being Single

Hello, internet.

Like some of you's, I find myself in the awkwardly repetitive position of being single on Valentine's Day. And no matter how many times my mother tries to console me, I will always end up slumped over the couch, emulating this internet figure:

When I was a kid, I had this habit of remembering everything awful someone did to me in the past whenever they were mean to me in the present. I couldn't focus on what they were doing now, I slipped slowly into a despondency spiral because I kept recalling the incident where they did this and the time when they did that. Same thinking pattern goes with holidays... I have had two good Valentine's Days in my entire life. 2 out of 19 isn't an inspiring ratio. I'm sort of "predisposed" to hate the 14th. To make matters worse, it has been perpetuated through the years... Wouldn't I just love to tell you all the stories, but I feel that while I'm selling you all my soul, I should be allowed to keep my dignity, so I'll not get into that conversation... Suffice to say that my outfits on this day are hardly seasonal or celebratory, but rather keep tune to the Goth crowd. It's for mourning. It's a mourning period. A 24-hour annual mourning period for my love life.

I'm sure you can guess that I'm my feelings are... dark... at best when it comes to romance. Liz Lemon (my spirit animal) doesn't celebrate Valentine's Day. And technically, St. Valentine was a Christian martyr who was beaten to death in Roman streets. So it's not like I was predisposed to enjoy February the 14th. Plus, Hallmark just invented this holiday to sell those sickening Sweethearts that I'm pretty sure have asbestos in them. Why does this day manage to make me eye roll in public and then moan my losses at home? It's not the holiday's fault, that's assured. It's the people.

I hate humans. 

My all-encompassing thought concerning people is that the root of our problems begin with them. It's not Twilight that scares me, it's the reception of it. It's not Rebecca Black that makes me want to throw up, it's the people that are STILL buying and singing that song. Worse still, it's not the parents that indulged such a whim, it's the company that provided such a service. So in following with this pattern, it's not the Hallmark industry that depresses me, it's the PDA, rise in flower and chocolate prices, and my own loneliness that truly makes February 14th Single Awareness Day. Because what other day could possibly highlight your lack of romantic activity than a "holiday" designed to showcase extravagant acts of romantic activities...

And this is where my biggest problem with Valentine's Day comes into play: it's the get out of jail free card for men. I believe in a thing called "spontaneity" and it's not very spontaneous to go all out on a designated day for "going all out." Is there some kind of cosmic reward for the most expensive dinner or the biggest diamond that I don't know about? Because I never understood that. If you truly love someone, why wait till Valentine's day to express that? It just seems like another way for strangers to take advantage of your wallet.

Maybe this is just me, but love shouldn't be defined or confined to one day. If I loved someone, every day I was with them would be special simply because love isn't a romantic dinner and a dozen red roses. Love, as you may have forgotten, is eating pizza while watching a cheesy 80's movie**. It's not being afraid to beat them in video games. It's playing the license/punch buggy game when you're in the car. It's not taking their crap because you know they could be better. It's sitting through the Lord of the Rings credits because he wants to hear the music. It's telling every awful joke that google has to offer to make them feel better. It's taking care of them when they're sick. Love is going to their games when you don't understand the sport, it's letting them scream in your ear about the San Jose Sharks when you're CLEARLY rooting for the LA Kings, it's not being afraid to shoot them in the butt when you're out airsofting, and it's trust. I could never forget what love is because it's a feeling whose presence is easily missed. It's that undeniable comfort you get just hearing them over the phone, it's the way your hugs feel different, it's the security that comes from letting them see you without makeup when you're still in your frumpies. It's knowing you can complain about PMS cramps, driving in a prius, or community theatre because you know that you have nothing to hide, nothing to lose, and nothing to gain from lying or pretending.

Maybe I'm just aware of this because I'm single and get to watch every couple in New York City ogle at each other while I'm sitting in the corner, drinking my cherry coke, trying to watch Spiderman the Musical... But if you have someone like this, then don't let Valentine's Day be the only day you tell them you love them. Say it every day. Because the only thing worse than being single on Valentine's Day is feeling absolutely worthless by the one you care for deeply every day.

**The writers of Scrubs know what's up. 

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